


The Price We Pay

by MeredithBrody



Series: The Romulan War [6]
Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: F/M, Romulan War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-18
Updated: 2014-03-18
Packaged: 2018-01-16 04:26:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1331857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeredithBrody/pseuds/MeredithBrody
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the battle at Deneva, Erika realises how much Jon is struggling to deal with the decisions they are made to make.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Price We Pay

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally for the prompt challenge, but it ended up nearly 500 words of the limit, so ficlet it is! Enjoy!
> 
> Prompt: “You don’t have the power to fix everything. But I do like watching you try.” Abbey ‘The West Wing’

After all the battles and all the pain of the last few months she hadn't been looking forward to the debriefing from this one. It was quiet, and they had really focused on the casualty numbers. Afterwards she hadn't wanted to return to _Columbia_. There had been something subtly bothering Jon, and she hadn't been able to put her finger on it. So they'd stayed, they'd had an enjoyable dinner, talking about what was happening on Earth, and then had gone to bed. Now it was several hours later, and she'd woken up alone in the bed, and his side was cold. She rolled over and spotted him at the viewport, where he always stood. "What's wrong, Jon?" She asked, realising that again he was out of bed and looking out of the viewport at the debris field in front of them. The only reason she was staying on _Enterprise_ was because the two ships were docked for the moment, and during her off time she knew that Jon needed her as much as her ship did. His viewport was the one that looked out over the battlefield that was currently littered with what was left over from the battle.

This wasn't the first time she'd woken up tonight to find him just stood there. The last time she'd rolled over and hoped he'd just come back to bed without being prompted. It wasn't seeming like that now though. So she stood up and pressed herself against his back. After a second he loosened up slightly and threaded his fingers through hers. She just rested her cheek against his back and waited. Time would be the only thing that would draw him out of this mood. "I just keep thinking about how we couldn't save those people. I mean we could have, we were close enough, both of us. But we couldn't because they are the enemy and we needed to deal with the Starfleet crews first." He sighed and squeezed her hands then crossed his arms over hers and rubbed her elbows. Another sigh escaped him before he spoke again. "How many of them died unnecessarily for our priorities?"

"What were we to do. We don't even know if there were survivors Jon." That was the simple truth. They didn't know, couldn't know, if there had been any survivors. Neither of their ships had functioning sensor systems, and the ships that did had been mostly left without power or life support. They couldn't find out, and they couldn't save them if they knew for show.

"Is this the price we have to pay?" Erika knew better than to try and answer that, she just took a deep breath and squeezed him gently, letting him know she was listening. She knew that somehow this was going to matter in the long run, and might be something she needed to remember.  "Will our humanity seep away piece by piece as we try to keep the rest of our race safe. Sacrificing or ignoring those in need because some political entities decided they didn't like us?" He asked, this one was a little less rhetorical, but still not something she wanted to answer.

So she just kissed the spot between his shoulder-blades then rested her forehead there, sighing slightly and speaking louder so he'd still be able to hear her. "Jonathan, you can't save everyone, and you can't fix everything." He had never been good at accepting his limitations, even when they were relatively junior officers on the NX-programme. It was something she still needed to remind him of. Especially in moments like this.

"I know. That doesn't stop me wanting to though." She let out a humourless chuckle and shook her head. Going back to resting her cheek flat against him. This conversation was probably one they should have had in their private debriefing a few hours ago, but the words always cam easier when it was the two of them. When they were alone and their Captain hats were off. They could talk honestly, and know the other wouldn't have to report it somewhere.

"You might not be able to do those things, but I do like watching you try. It's not a failure, Jonathan. It isn't. Unfortunately, it's the price we pay for safety." She had known that since she signed up to Starfleet, but she had tried to hide it, forget it. She'd never wanted to be a warrior. "I'm always here to try and put those pieces back, especially if you'll do the same for me?" She phrased it as a question, a reminder of the promise they'd made to one another four years earlier. Sat on a mountainside in Nevada when he returned from the expanse. That day had changed everything for the two of them, and she didn't regret making that deal with him, she never had.

"Thanks Rike." He muttered quietly over his shoulder to her. She heard the slight tremor in his voice that told her that she had got through to him, and reminded him that there were decisions they couldn't make. It simply wasn't part of their jobs out here. They would both rather be explorers, meeting new friends and avoiding fighting wherever they could. But that wasn't the universe they were in. The utopia they both dreamed of didn't exist. Maybe it never would. But for now, they had what they needed.

"Any time my love, now come on, you need some sleep." She kissed the back of his neck and disentangled her arms from his, climbing into bed and settling down, glad when she felt him slip in behind her a moment later, wrapping his arms around her and settling to sleep. She was always glad when he listened to her advice, even if she wasn't always around to give it.


End file.
